My younger years:
While we were growing up, my mom always said to fight for the ones who can’t fight for themselves. So, that is exactly what my brother and I did, although probably not in the way she meant. We got suspended for fighting, and she would only use the school’s punishment because we would say” Well, Mom, you told us to fight the ones who couldn’t fight for themselves”. That would make her smile and she would say”Yes I did, but I didn’t mean fighting with your fist”. This is how I landed myself in prison for 6 years.
The girlfriend:
I was dating this girl and she had a baby. The baby daddy was a bad guy. He was very controlling, physically abusive, and a drug dealer. Their relationship had been over for awhile, only he didn’t see it that way. They had a court agreement for child visitation and he didn’t always follow it. He would call her say “come get your child or you need to take her to the doctor now”, kind of things even though it was his time. He constantly threaten to take the child from her and the restraining order was useless. I knew my fist wouldn’t work this time, we needed money to hire an attorney.
Enter the wrong person:
I met this person who was breaking into people’s houses in 5 cities here in Arizona. He was robbing these people during the day after selling them alarm systems. He set up the alarm systems and had the codes so he could just walk in their house anytime. He said all I had to do was pawn the things he was stealing for a cut, and drive sometimes. I thought ok easy money that I needed and I wouldn’t get caught. Then he started bringing drugs over. I was like “No”! I hate people who do drugs and want nothing to do with that. I was good with the stolen merchandise. This illegal activities went on for a months, we didn’t know the police from all 5 cities were surveilling and gathering evidence against us,.
We’re Caught!!
I got pulled over and I’m arrested on the side of the road. I had just left one of the pawn shops. The police saying I’m being arrested for breaking and entering, stolen property and drugs. I say”Lawyer”. We go to the police station. I’m sitting there for awhile, they had a search warrant for my house and truck. They find stolen property in my house and scale, and bags for the drugs but no drugs. They come in to talk to me and I’m still asking for an lawyer. They are still talking to me. I get sent to county and go in front of a judge, he reads all of my charges and I pled not guilty. I’m going to prison for sure.
County Jail:
Wow, this is for real this time. I’m calling my mom and grandmom, I’m telling them to get an attorney, and get me out of here. If there is a hell this is it. I’m trying to fight my case from in here. The evidence against me is wrong. The eye witness says they saw a black man with dreads or was a hispanic man. I’m white guy with long brown hair and my hair is usually in a man bun. Then the police said someone told them a man went through a 12×12 window. I’m 6’1 230 lbs with 20 inch arms. There is no way I’m getting through a window that size. Then someone said my license plate number was all numbers, my is letters and numbers. I sat in county for 18 months before I finally got a deal.
My deal:
I took the deal because I had 10 charges and if I had gone to to trial, if I was found guilty of one the charges I would have spent 20 years in prison,. I also took the deal because my mom is sick and has a lot of health problems. She told me in court that she might not make it 20 years and needed me to come home sooner than 20 years. My deal was 6 years but my charges are stacked but the drug charges were dropped. Having stacked charges means that if I get into trouble again I will have to do those remaining years plus the new charges. I’m off to prison.
Inside the prison:
I thought county hell. I was wrong. Prison is hell. The things you see, hear and have to do just to survive are unimaginable and you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. You learn really quickly that you have no one who is your friend, and you just have yourself in there. This place will break you. You will never be the same ever again. I do my time and get out. My life isn’t the same. This place causes PTSD, nightmares and makes you heartless. I had to do unspeakble things, my family knows some of the things and I will take the rest to my grave. Prison takes your heart and soul.
Fast forward a few months:
I’m going back to jail over a girl who is crazy. She gets a restraining order but she breaking. I have all this evidence against her and her crazy mother but I’m the one going to prison. What is wrong with the justice system? Another 6 months in county jail. County jail is worse the second time around. I can’t handle it this time. I need to get out of here. I’m broken and I just want to die. I know what to expect but this is way too much. Someone help me. This isn’t fair. I didn’t do anything this time. I have so much evidence against her and no one is listening to me, maybe it would be better if I just left this world. I get bailed out and I can fight this from the streets. Another deal? 20 years of probation. 20 years for something that I didn’t do? 20 years when I have all this evidence? Fine if it keeps me out of prison.
I’m Home:
I took the deal and I’m home. 20 years of probation. How crazy is that just to be home? In a few years I can petetion the court to remove the probation if I don’t get into any trouble and complete everything I’m supposed to. However that doens’t fix me. I have severe PTSD, I have nightmares, I don’t sleep well or often and I can’t be alone in the house. I have to have a dog or person in the house with me. My attitude and anger level is very high. When someone hurts me, I have this need to hurt them back verbally. I lash out and say things that I know will hurt them, I get revenge when someone hurts me. I think about suicide often and nothing helps. I’m lucky in a way, my mom knew about PTSD, she helped me understand what was going on with me when I first came home. She gave me advise on how to deal with things.
Everyday living:
Places like the grocery store are so diffuclt for me, I know I have to eat, but my anxiety goes through the roof. I just can’t do it, so I call door Dash or order food, or have my family shop for me. Crazy right? Keeping a job is difficult because of employers not hiring felons. My relationships are hard, even with my family. Even though it was only 6 years, learning modern technology was difficult, I still have to call mom and ask how to do something and that’s frustrating. I’m broken and feel like I’m never going to be fixed no matter how much times go by. They say with time everything heals, but I’m not so sure I believe that, considering I keep getting knocked down all the time.
If you have a story or comment you would like to share please let me know. I love all comments and support I receive. Until next time.