I’m still here…

I have been in prison for years and I knew that I would be spending most of my life in here for crimes that I have committed, but I never imagine how I would be spending my time in prison. They say that prison can break a person. And I truly believe that to be true. There are things that happen in here that no one ever thinks that happen, unimaginable things. So, when you get into trouble the prison’s answer is to send you to solitary confinement. On average it is 6 months to a year. Most people think that it isn’t a lot of time and in reality, it probably isn’t until you sit a 10×7 box they call a cell by yourself.

First few days…

First few days in solitary confinement you don’t mind the peace and quiet. It’s the first time in a long time you aren’t looking over your shoulder to see if anyone is going to jump you or if anyone is after you. It’s the first time in a long time you can get a decent night’s sleep without worrying if anyone is going to attack you while you sleep. You work out in your cell, you read books that you get off the cart, you write letters to your family, and you just relax. After your first few days you start to get go crazy from the silence. You get a shower every other day if you’re lucky and get yard every two or three days by yourself for 30 minutes maybe longer if the guards are busy. I love the feel of the sun on my face.

Years go by…..

I have been in solitary confinement for over 20 years. I have been by myself for so long that my that I can’t remember what my voice sounds like because I don’t speak to anyone to and haven’t for over 20 years. All I have is my own thoughts. My mind is not working the way that it should anymore. I worry that my family will forget who I am because I haven’t been able to call for them for over 20 years because I am not allowed to. I can’t write them anymore because I’m forgetting how to.  This 10×7 box they call my cell feels like it is closing in on me a lot of days and I can’t get out.  I feel like this prison has locked the steel door and threw away the key.

Losing everything….

When you spend this much time in solitary confinement you lose everything. You lose time, your family, and most importantly yourself. I truly believe that are a part of you dies in solitary confinement. It changes you in ways that you can’t imagine, and you can’t get that part back no matter how hard you try. You lose hope that you will get out of solitary confinement after so many years. You try to fight with an attorney, if you’re able to, that’s your ” glimmer of hope”. I’m still here.

Side note: Texas has Extreme Solitary Confinement: 1300 inmates 6 years or more   450 inmates 10-20 years and 129 inmates 20-30 years currently.

Let me know your thoughts.

If you have a story, I would love to about it.