A mother’s Love

When you are a mom, it is a full-time job, a lifetime commitment. You never stop being a mom no matter how old your child is. You always worry about your child, and it is the most difficult unpaid job you will ever have. As a mom you always try to teach your child right from wrong, teach them to do the proper things, have morals, and values, and use their manners. You always want what is best for your child and you always protect your child to the best of your ability. Your hope for your child is that you will watch them grow up make a good life for themselves, go to college, have a good career, get married, and have children. One day they will say good-bye to you. But what if that is not what happens?

I’m writing this story for two moms that I know personally. I’m sure this will be a familiar story for many. I want people to know that they aren’t alone and that they have others in similar situations. I met these two extraordinary moms while my son was in prison. He was friends with their sons. Our sons would call us,  and pass messages through us to each other so we didn’t worry about our sons.  It was very thoughtful of our sons. My son doesn’t do drugs however, these 3 guys do and they have been in and out of prison most of their lives. This was my son’s first time. My son tried to help them get clean and stay clean by working out. When my son was released these guys just couldn’t stay clean on their own.

The first mom has two sons. Her boys have been on drugs, and in and out of prison for over 35 years. One of her sons just passed away in July. He was released in April. 2023. When he came out of prison this last he was homeless, living on the streets in Phoenix when it was over 110 degrees for more than 40 days. He had a few heat strokes and a staph infection. Two days after being hospitalized he passed away from an overdose of Meth and Fentanyl. He told his mom he wanted to die because he couldn’t stay off the drugs and didn’t want to live like he was anymore. He was only 51 years old. Her other son is working and lives in an apartment. He is still on drugs currently. He has spent over 30 years in and out of prison. Her sons have spent over half their lives in prison. These guys say it’s so easy to get drugs in prison, trying to stay off them while you’re in prison is not possible.

This mom has spent most of her  life carrying so much guilt and blamed herself for how her sons turned out.  She’s just now finally starting to realize that it is not her fault that her sons are caught up in drugs. Her sons have cost her a lot,  not just by having her send them money in prison, places to live, worry and stress and not knowing if they were alive or not.. There is always the “where did I go wrong” aspect of this situation. Now, this mom is without one of  her sons and is  overlooking the other son’s drug use. She’s afraid if she doesn’t, she won’t get to spend time with him. All she wants is time with the son she has left. She feels that she didn’t have enough time with the one that passed away and now she’s not going to lose anymore time.  That’s the most important thing to her. They say you’re not supposed to bury your kids, your kids are supposed to bury you, but it doesn’t always work out that way.

This next mom, couldn’t have children so she and her husband adopted a child. The child was born addicted to drugs. Her son was getting into trouble as child due to the drugs.   This mom had spent a lot of money to send her child to camps and therapies trying to help him when he was younger. When he came home from camp, he would just get into trouble again. He started going to jail at the of 15. He has been in and out of prison most of his life. He has been on drugs for years. This mom has spent over several thousand of dollars in extortion money from her son’s drug habit in prison. He racks up large drug debt and then expects his mom and dad to pay it. When they can’t he gets beat up in prison.

Every time, he talks to his parents he asks for money. It’s not a small amount of money. It’s usually $500-$1000 at one time. She wishes she could just talk to or visit without her son asking for money. She wishes she could have a conversation, where he doesn’t ask for money and she would like to see him without bruises all over his face when they visit.  Sometimes, she doesn’t answer the phone or emails because it is too stressful and painful for her. She knows they don’t have the money anymore to pay for the debt that he has now, it never stops, but what else can they do? She has had people from the streets call and text her saying they need the money or they will do xy&z…That is not a way to live.

Six lives are being affected, 3 adults lives are being destroyed by drugs. and have spent more than half their lives in prison and still think like teenagers. Could there have been a different outcome if they had gone to rehabilitation facilities and had not gone to prison? Maybe, drug rehabilitation might have had a better outcome.. They do offer counseling, coping skills, and other  therapies to someone who has been on drugs for many years.

Unfortunately, the percentages are extremely low for a baby addicted to drugs to grow up not being addicted to drugs or alcohol, or having any disabilities or behavioral problems. It is over 75 percent that they will use some type of drug or alcohol, be in and out of prison, have some behavioral issues even if it is ADHD, will not do good in school as a child, and will have some type of slow brain development or brain damage from the drugs in utero.

Moms are the strongest people that you know. They kiss your scrapped knee and tell you it will be okay. Mom’s check under your bed every night for monsters.  Mom’s teaching you how to dance because you want to ask this girl to the prom. She’s there when you get your first broken heart and she tells you”It hurts now, it’s supposed because it’s your first love”. Your mom is always there no matter what, she’s your greatest supporter, and she always has your back. She will always believe in you. Your mom will be there when you get married. Your mom will be thrilled and so excited when you make her grandma. You think your mom can do anything like Wonder Woman.

A mother’s love is fierce, strong, and protective. A mother will fight for her child no matter how big the battle is.   What do you do when there are so many monsters your mom just can’t beat? Your mom is too tired to fight for you anymore.  Her heart is broken because she knows she can’t win this fight. The situation has created space between the two of you, which is breaking her heart even more. Deep down in her heart, you will always be her little boy and her heart is full of love for you. However, a mom can only watch you destroy yourself for so long before it becomes too painful to continue watching.  A mom and a child have an unbreakable bond most of the time, It hurts a mom’s heart to see her child struggle and in so much pain. The last thing a mom wants to do is bury her child.

 

Let me know what you think. I appreciate and love all the comments. If you have a story please let me know I would love to tell your story.