I have spent the majority of my life in and out of prison since I was a teenager. I have been in most of the prisons in Arizona. Each time I go into prison I hustle and tattoo for what I need to survive and I’m usually high. I have made a place for myself in the prison and in the prison system. Most of the CO’s know me and are always on the watch for me because they know I don’t care about the rules and will fight anyone on the inside. I tattoo, make deals, I can get anything you need or want and that’s my life. Time seems to go by so fast or at least I think it does because I’m on drugs all the time while I’m in prison. I have always done my time alone.
I met someone in county jail this time around and we became really friends. This was his first time in jail, so I took him under my wing and gave him the rules of prison. I taught him how to draw and tattoo, in return he gave me store(food, hygiene or calls). I had a new friend that was there for me. Those things were all new to me and I didn’t know how to handle it. So, there were times that I disappeared and came back. I also had my friend of 20 years that I am so in love with and I keep trying to have a relationship with but she is married.My new friend is the mother of the friend I met in county. He asked his family to look out for me until we get out of prison and can start a business together.
These years in…
I told myself this time was going to be different. I was a level 3 and priveleges I have never had before. It was great! I was staying out of trouble. I was talking to my friend every chance I had about my plans when I was released. The CO’s noticed how much I had changed. I hated asking for money but there were a couple of times that I got into a jam and my friend helped me out but for the most part I was doing what I set out to do. Do my time clean, sober and get out. Change my life completely. When it came to my release I knew I didn’t want to go to a half-way house and I wouldn’t be able to accomplish what I wanted in there. So my friend said I could stay with her and her family. I was so relieved and happy that I had that chance.
I’m released 3 months early for the Sage program. My first day out I start tattooing. I owe my friend a lot of money and I wanted to pay her back as fast as possible. Over the next few days I’m getting high all day and night. I’m tattooing and I’m with my family who just happens to be mixed in with a lot of crime. While all of this is going on my friend is texting me everyday that the Sage program is calling her and I need to call them back. I don’t do it. And slowly she starts to find out that I have been lying to her and she’s putting things together. On the fourth day she texts me and tells me we need to talk.
Freedom isn’t free..
I go back to the house where I’m staying. She starts talking and I get defenseive. I say to her “if you had more confindence and trust me then this wouldn’t be a problem and I’m always going to choose my family over everything”. Then she asked me to leave. I told her I would come back the next day to pay her what I owe her but I never did. I haven’t spoken to her since that day. I chose to go back to my old lifestyle, a life a crime, lies and to a woman who will never choose me over a friend who was always there for me. I didn’t check in with PO or the Sage program so, it’s only a matter of time before I end up back in prison or dead. I lost friends that day, freedom cost me a lot and that’s my life.